i know its been ages since last i wrote here .. well all i wrote was about love and love and love for him well let me tell you people love do exist but in many different ways .. love is so complex .. love has many many forms .. i love baboosh now loved him back 1 year ago but this butterfly feelings thing fades real quick when it bumps to the real world .. when demands of a loved one that you drew a picture of starts to raise to the surface .. when your beloved demands and demands & as weak women of east we are our weak nature & the curse of love make us bow  to this and that without any heavenly or man power stands helping females we are crushed by the waves ,, yes i like my man demanding .. dominating yet i want aspects of him to be sweet and gentle .. i want to be pampered with nice words with so many things all females natural rights .. i want to wear a stupid jeans with a t- shirt .. i want to feel the breeze of air on my skin on my hair ,,, i wish to speak my true nature without being afraid that you will hate me which is for sure .. i love you yes and still do but i have to love myself too so to be able to love you .. i want say out loud i hate children wish we never have one .. i want to say that i love hugging ... want to scream i love shopping , i love sleeping without schedule , i love you ,, i want to feel safe with you once more ..